Recently I engaged in a discussion with a straight guy who asked me if I agreed with the concept that most, if not every, homophobe is a closeted homosexual. It was a short discussion, due to the fact that I answered with a concrete “no” and he just couldn’t seem to wrap his mind around that.

So here it is, a critique for liberals: homophobia isn’t queer. So when blasting homophobes, stop calling them gay.

This genuinely confuses me. So let me get this straight, you want to belittle/insult/dethrone a homophobe, right? And to do so, you make reference/imply that they are gay . . . thus insinuating that being gay is something that should belittle, insult, and dethrone a person. Right . . ..

But to answer his question in full detail, I do believe that an unfortunate amount of queer people battle with internalized homophobia. It almost seems impossible to not have. We are raised in a world that constantly tells us that how we feel, think, and exist are wrong. So it seems as if it’s almost destined to be a part of the queer journey: to not only overcome the homophobia surrounding you, but to overcome from within.

Now with that being said, that does not mean every blatant homophobe is queer. And it seems as if this already become common speak: from viral memes to SNL skits to real life conversations. What’s a good way to insult Mike Pence? Let’s joke about how he must be a part of the queer, leather community! How can we really hit home on the toxic relationship between Trump and Putin? Oh I know! Let’s make them kiss! Isn’t that so funny and humiliating? Look how ridiculous they look! How can we even take them seriously?

At surface level you’re just using homosexuality as a slur. You know how there was that huge campaign with Wanda Sykes and Hillary Duff? And their sole mission was to stop heterosexuals from using the word “gay” to describe things that they disliked? This is the exact same thing, just in a slightly more nuanced form of hate.

When diving deeper, it only becomes more problematic. For example, all three of these men have actively worked against the queer community. Pence endorsed conversion therapy, a practice which is now banned in sixteen states. And since taking office, Trump has been actively rolling back rights for queer Americans, all while Putin has been systematically imprisoning and erasing queers in Chechnya.

When making these comparisons, you are suggesting that only queer people are capable of such atrocities. That queer people are the villains, they are true monsters.

And this isn’t anything new. Not only have we grown up in a world telling us that we are wrong for existing, but a majority of our representation has been portrayed as villainous: from power hungry queer-coded Disney villains to basically any over-the-top camp bad guy you’ve seen in television and film.

We have all been raised in a society where men must act like men and where women must act like women. And we’ve been taught that anything that even comes close to blurring those lines is unnatural. But it’s not, we just need to unlearn the hate we’ve been spoon-fed since birth.

Homophobia isn’t queer, homophobia is Western culture.