You’ve done it! You’ve managed to lock a pretty steady partner into your grabby little hands. Maybe the two of you aren’t partnered just yet, but at least both of you don’t have to think twice before taking off your shirts in the bedroom. You trust them! You’re comfortable with them!

But alas, there’s a minor setback, you’re tired of the boring sex. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing! You’re just tired of the same old, same old bedroom activity: a little foreplay here a little flicking there, which inevitably leads to the traditional doggy-style or the reverse cow person or the inverted salamander. What? No one else?

And let’s face it, all of these positions are as vanilla as bean. I mean seriously, the two of you might as well do something more productive with your time. Like file your taxes or do your laundry or go fill your neighborhood’s potholes, I’m sure the completion would be much more satisfactory.

But now that you and your partner have discussed and have both agreed that somethings need to change, here are a few simple tips to begin experimenting in your bedroom.

ESTABLISH BOUNDARIES

It’s best for you and your partner to be on the same page when exploring your sexuality. Make a clear list of things that you are not willing to experiment with. Be respectful with each other and don’t try to coerce the other into doing what you want. This can be a moment where the two of you find out that you’re not that compatible in bed. Talk about it, explore it, see what the two of you desire. The goal is for both of you to be happy. If the two of you can’t set clear boundaries without the other one being happy then guess what sweetie. . . snip snip. Or both of you can just go back to doggy, I mean really the choice is yours.

BE HONEST

It’s time to be vulnerable with your partner. If you feel safe and secure in your relationship, then you need to be honest. Talk about the kinks that have always caught, discuss the fetish that you’ve had buried inside you since puberty side-railed you, show them your porn history! If you want to try something that wasn’t on their “Never Will I Ever” list then speak now or forever hold your sad little meat.

DON’T SHAME

For god’s sake, whatever you do, I repeat: WHATEVER YOU DO. Do not and I mean DO NOT kink shame your partner. First off, ew gross buzzkill. Second, this is a moment where they have completely exposed themselves to you. They are fragile and open and the last thing that you should do is to gut them. If you are put off by any of your partner’s interests then have a discussion with them about it. Be calm, be understanding, and put everything into perspective. Explain why you aren’t comfortable, maybe try to compromise. If no one is getting hurt, then don’t treat them like a monster.

There’s a fine line between declining and shaming. Make sure that you treat your partner with respect, unless they want to chop off your arm or kidnap a grandmother off the street.

BE SAFE

Now that all of the back work is done, it’s time to get nasty! Or whatever it is you plan on doing.

Make sure that both of you are aware of what you’re getting yourself

Go over the basics, have a safe word that isn’t stop, make sure you’re familiar with what tools you are working with. When one of you gets uncomfortable, then stop. If one of you starts to question what’s going on, then stop. If one of you gets a call from your mom, then put that bitch on hold.

HAVE FUN

I started to enjoy my sex life more once I stopped taking it so seriously. Sex is awkward. Yeah it can be hot, but when it comes down to it we are just two mammals smashing our bodies against one another.

This is a time to drop your inhibitions, take a breath and have some fun! If you can’t have fun with your partner then what the hell are you doing with them anyways?

Your sex life is an ever-changing, growing thing. Treat it with love and you won’t be disappointed.