These seem to sting a bit deeper. Maybe it’s because your guard is down? Maybe it’s because you expected more from them? Maybe it’s Maybelline? But nothing seems to sting more than when an ~ally~ shows their not-so-shocking-I-mean-are-we-really-surprised problematic tendencies.

At first everything seems great. Ohmygod, Christie is so cool! I’m glad that I’m able to be open about my sexuality with them. Then next thing you know it, you hear her talking about how idk I just feel like companies should be allowed to not provide business to gay couples. Idk I like gay men but lesbians make me uneasy. Idk I’m cool with gay people, I just think they’re living in sin and should repent.

Go ahead, take a second for a breather. In and out. In and out. In and-hold it-and out. There we go, you are doing such a great job. Now back to the matters at hand.

Let’s break it down. Picture this: performative allyship is your friend who attends pride, says yas kween, and watches RuPaul’s Drag Race with you every week. Sounds great right? But this ally is also someone who dates someone who’s a little too comfortable with saying f*g and d*ke. Someone who believes that you should have rights but just doesn’t want to get caught up in all of the drama. Someone who, when faced with a difficult situation, sides with the oppressor. Performative Allies aren’t real allies.

They shower themselves with glitter and jewels and get drunk for Pride. And sometimes, they might just get a little too comfortable. Because they know that no matter what, they are safe. They can just take a shower and wash away all that sin. While the queer people they claim to support still are still systematically oppressed. While us queer people are still uneasy walking hand-in-hand down the streets. While us queer people still fear for our lives.

I remember reading Aesop’s fables when I was a child. The Bat, the Birds, and the Beasts, seems to apply to this situation. In the story there is a great divide between the birds and the beasts, which leaves our protagonist, the bat, in a sticky situation. For he defines himself as neither bird or beast. So what does he do? He plays to both sides. Picking and choosing when he wants to side with each group. However in the end, both the birds and the beasts turn on him, knowing that he is loyal to no one.

You don’t get to benefit from queer culture while also supporting it’s oppressor.

While it’s not our responsibility to defend, debate, and educate others on why we have the right to exist, the least we can do is call them out on their bullshit. DO NOT let this slide. If we tolerate this behavior, then it shows them that they are able to walk on right over us. That they can take and take and take from our people, from our culture, and still walk away unscathed.

Call them what they are: homophobes.

If you are friends with a homophobic person, then you are homophobic. If you date someone who is homophobic, then you are homophobic. If you are a part of an organization (religious or not) that actively belittles and works against the queer community, then you are homophobic.